Material Loss- Emotional Gain

     Yesterday was another one of those milestones in this journey I'm taking lately.  It was a difficult milestone, and one I chose to write about the day after it occurred so I could give my "filter" some time to work.  I had an appointment with a lawyer at 1:00.  Need I say more? :-) This attorney is a family friend who specializes in mortgages and property closings.  Instead of finalizing a home purchase like the other times I had been there, this time I was going to sign away my house.  Our family's home that I had literally help build would no longer be mine. The mortgage was in my name, but according to the "papers" I was required to relinquish ownership of it. It wouldn't be as bad if I had received a big equity check in exchange, but alas, that was not to be. I knew it was going to be a tough day.
     I entered the office and sat waiting for the attorney to come in with the papers.  He entered the room and I mentioned the picture that was still on his bookshelf that was taken probably 8 or 9 years ago when his family, our family, and another friend's family all went to the beach for spring break.  Our oldest sons are all the same age, and they were playing in the sand together. They were about 3 then, and are now in middle school.  It made me smile to see that picture and think back to a happier time. We talked for a while about the bleak financial situation in our school district, and then we proceeded to the paperwork. He explained each paper to me carefully, and I could tell he knew this was a difficult task for me. When he went to get a witness for the last paper I checked my phone and read two texts from a couple of friends who knew where I was at the time.  One of them caused the tears to start slowly streaming down my cheeks.  I pulled it together knowing they were coming back in the room soon. 
    After the business was over the attorney closed the door and told me he was taking off his attorney hat and wanted to know how I had been.  Obviously the tears began flowing again.  Not just for the loss I felt that day, but because I could tell he genuinely cared about how I was.  Not many people around here do, or if they do they certainly don't show it! (but that's o.k.) He began to ask me questions about how I was coping, if I had people to talk to, a support group, a church. It was a good thing to be able to tell him how far I had come, and that I was no longer in the pit I had felt trapped in a few months ago.  He then said something that amazed me.  He said "I can't even imagine what you've gone through and how hard this has been for you."  You know there are only a handful of people in this world that know what I have really gone through.  Most of you are probably reading this! To hear that from someone else just surprised me, because in most people's eyes they don't see me as the one who has suffered the heartache, loss, depression, etc.  He saw the reality though!  The words spoken in that hour came from a heart of a man exhibiting Christ-like love and acceptance. Although I was still teary when I left (and without my home) some of the tears were tears of happiness that someone saw me for who I am now, and saw me as God sees me....not perfect, but forgiven, and doing everything I can do make the best of the rest of my life.