1 YEAR

9-14-10
One year ago tonight I was served divorce papers and life as I knew it was over. That's really all I have to say about that right now.

Forgive AND Forget?

     I've found that forgiveness is one of those things that doesn't necessarily only have to be given once.  I came to a place a few months ago where I forgave  a handful of people that had really hurt me because I knew it was the right thing to do.  The thing is, though, forgiveness doesn't always mean forgetting.  When someone has  done things that have caused MUCH pain in your life and not even seemed to care.... it's hard to forget.  When someone seems to be continually trying to cause you more pain....it's hard to forget.  When you still have emotional ties to someone who has hurt you....it's hard to forget.  Forgiveness is easier than forgetting. 
   

     Today at church the word was on forgiveness.  The title of the sermon was "When You Can't Tell Your Enemies from Your Friends". ( Most of you know I've already dealt with this, which is why I have few friends now, but the ones I have I love dearly. ) Here were the three main points:

1.  Remember:  friends can become enemies. When our affections or priorities change people that were once close to us can actually become our enemies.  The pastor gave an example that punched me in the gut.  If only I had seen that a few years ago....

Again the scripture was given: Do not repay anyone evil for evil.  Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody.  If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.  Romans12:18

2.  Remember, enemies can become friends.  Sometimes God uses people you could never imagine to impact your life, or cause changes in the events of your life that can positive. (Even if you don't see it at the time.)

3.  Remember, God is still in control.  Don't be too quick to label something in your life as good or bad.  God may be doing something behind the scenes that may not be seen by us until the future.  Who's to say some of these awful events in my life are not for the good of me at a later time, or that these things will make me a better person in some way?

     At the end of the sermon was a response time. The pastor encouraged anyone who needed to forgive someone to respond, or if there was anyone in your life who was still had control over your emotions and you needed  to release that to respond.  At my church you can choose to respond in different ways.  You can pray at your seat, go to a member of the prayer team up in front, go to a candle-lighting station, or go to an actual cross that is in the corner and write your burden or request on a piece of paper and tack it to the cross and pray.  I stood there with tears in my eyes knowing that I had 3 people to forgive, including one person who still at times controlled my emotions...someone I needed to completely release from my mind and heart (again). I went to the cross and wrote my request and put it on the cross where I left it.   Later this afternoon I realized that today is the birthday of one of the people I forgave today.  (interesting coincidence to me) 

     I know that forgiveness helps bring about peace, which is something I'm striving for in my life each day.  Forgetting the hurt will not come quickly, but once again I have chosen to forgive....in the hopes that those I've hurt will eventually forgive me.  God didn't choose to forgive me just once, but every time I ask.  If our goal is to be more like Him then I'll continue to forgive and live at peace with others. (Even if one of them screwed up my plans to go to Bham last week.) :-)

Material Loss- Emotional Gain

     Yesterday was another one of those milestones in this journey I'm taking lately.  It was a difficult milestone, and one I chose to write about the day after it occurred so I could give my "filter" some time to work.  I had an appointment with a lawyer at 1:00.  Need I say more? :-) This attorney is a family friend who specializes in mortgages and property closings.  Instead of finalizing a home purchase like the other times I had been there, this time I was going to sign away my house.  Our family's home that I had literally help build would no longer be mine. The mortgage was in my name, but according to the "papers" I was required to relinquish ownership of it. It wouldn't be as bad if I had received a big equity check in exchange, but alas, that was not to be. I knew it was going to be a tough day.
     I entered the office and sat waiting for the attorney to come in with the papers.  He entered the room and I mentioned the picture that was still on his bookshelf that was taken probably 8 or 9 years ago when his family, our family, and another friend's family all went to the beach for spring break.  Our oldest sons are all the same age, and they were playing in the sand together. They were about 3 then, and are now in middle school.  It made me smile to see that picture and think back to a happier time. We talked for a while about the bleak financial situation in our school district, and then we proceeded to the paperwork. He explained each paper to me carefully, and I could tell he knew this was a difficult task for me. When he went to get a witness for the last paper I checked my phone and read two texts from a couple of friends who knew where I was at the time.  One of them caused the tears to start slowly streaming down my cheeks.  I pulled it together knowing they were coming back in the room soon. 
    After the business was over the attorney closed the door and told me he was taking off his attorney hat and wanted to know how I had been.  Obviously the tears began flowing again.  Not just for the loss I felt that day, but because I could tell he genuinely cared about how I was.  Not many people around here do, or if they do they certainly don't show it! (but that's o.k.) He began to ask me questions about how I was coping, if I had people to talk to, a support group, a church. It was a good thing to be able to tell him how far I had come, and that I was no longer in the pit I had felt trapped in a few months ago.  He then said something that amazed me.  He said "I can't even imagine what you've gone through and how hard this has been for you."  You know there are only a handful of people in this world that know what I have really gone through.  Most of you are probably reading this! To hear that from someone else just surprised me, because in most people's eyes they don't see me as the one who has suffered the heartache, loss, depression, etc.  He saw the reality though!  The words spoken in that hour came from a heart of a man exhibiting Christ-like love and acceptance. Although I was still teary when I left (and without my home) some of the tears were tears of happiness that someone saw me for who I am now, and saw me as God sees me....not perfect, but forgiven, and doing everything I can do make the best of the rest of my life.

Has It Really Been One Month?

     I just logged onto my blog site and realized my last post was on Feb. 1!  Today is Mar. 1, so it's been a whole month!  The ironic thing is I've had soooo much to write about, but just haven't had the time (or rather taken the time) to write.  If I wrote everything now it would be way too long to read.  Over the past month I've thought of several topics I wanted to write about including anger, depression, reconnecting with old friends, and of course my recent adventure in Florida.   I think I'm going to save the more serious topics for later and write about some of my Florida trip.  There are three parts to it, and here's part 1!
     I dropped the children off at school Tuesday morning after their week with me and began my journey south.  I was making really good time, and hit downtown Jacksonville in the early afternoon.  I was in the fast lane on 95 when BAM! I hit a big orange pylon that was in the center of the lane.  There was no avoiding it without hitting a car or the wall.  The pylon got STUCK under my car and was making a terrible noise.  The cars behind me all backed off as I slowly changed lanes to try and exit the freeway.  As I descended the closest off ramp the pylon broke free.  I proceeded to the the gas station at the exit to assess the damage.  It was not pretty.  The stupid plastic pylon cracked my front bumper pretty badly, and caused damage under my car too.  All the damage appeared cosmetic, so I was on my way again.  

I made it to Orlando in time for dinner, and met my first friends and ate at Bubba Gumps at City Walk inside of Universal Studios.  It was Mardi Gras, and this City Walk area was supposed to be a really "hopping" place, but it was dead.  I think the freezing cold weather had something to do with it.  Seriously. I came to Florida to escape the cold weather and cold people in SC, and even though the cold people didn't follow me the cold weather did! We had a great dinner and went to the house to watch a really funny movie: "The Rocker".  
Wednesday I just slept in and then found the closest TJ Maxx and Target.  Ate a late lunch out and then ate IHOP about midnight. (Here's where you can start seeing why I gained 2 pounds last week.)
     Thursday was the big day...my park hopping day! I started at Animal Kingdom- my first time there.  It wasn't too interesting except for the Expedition Everest roller coaster.  WOW...it was incredible!!
     Jumped on the bus and headed over to Hollywood Studios.  The only things I wanted to do there were ride the Aerosmith roller coaster and the Tower of Terror.  Failed on both accounts.  The wait was between 120 and 180 min. on both, and no fast passes were available.  I was not going to waste all my time standing in line (not to mention my ADHD) so I just walked around and enjoyed the park.
     By then my friends were off work and met me at The Magic Kingdom.  We stayed there for a while and then went to Epcot for the rest of the night. We rode a few rides that didn't have long waits.  We listened to a Moroccan band (and belly dancer), the drums in Japan, and just spent time walking through the countries.  When the family went there in the spring we missed a lot due to the torrential rains.
     We then went to Downtown Disney and ate a late dinner at House of Blues, and walked around there.  It was definitely a full and exhausting day, but I loved the fact I went to all 5 places.

 Friday I went to IKEA for the first time ever.  It's a very unique store, but my purchase of the day was made across the street at the Krispy Kreme store.  I picked up a couple dozen and went to visit my other friends who live near Orlando.  I'll write about that in my next post......

Button Pushers

     Why is it some people just like to push your buttons?  A friend told me today that his coworkers were pushing his buttons, and I responded that my 7yr. year old was pushing mine!  Why is it we allow people to take us to the point of yelling and losing our patience when we know we shouldn't respond that way?  It's especially frustrating when that person is a child! The main problem occurs with my 7 yr. old fighting with his little sister, and the problem escalates when they're in the car together.  They both sit in the back, but they can still see, hear, and touch each other.  The last couple of long trips I have purposely put a piece of tall luggage between them to cut out the seeing and touching factor.  It really did help, too!  I've often joked about coming up with an invention to use for that purpose, or installing a 'limo window" where I can just push a button and let them go at it, but I don't have to hear it!  (Right after that last sentence I had to get up and go take care of fight about to happen.  She walked into the room where he was and he started yelling for her to get out, and it's not even his room!)  

     I just get really sick of it sometimes. I can ignore it for a while, but when it persists I know I need to put a stop to it.  When conventional, calm, rational ways don't work I find myself YELLING and losing my cool.  I hate it when it gets to that point, but it's like he keeps pushing the little buttons that irritate me the most!  Why can't he just choose to get along with her, have fun with her, or at least ignore her to keep the peace?  What makes it even more interesting is that she won't back down!  If he yells at her she'll yell back.  If he hits, she'll hit.  If he shoves her down she'll get up and shove him back!  I guess it's the law of survival that comes with having two older brothers.

     Sometimes I really think he just disagrees to disagree.  For example: The last few times they've been with me on the weekend Z has wanted to go to Church A....the 1st church I took them to here.  I've been going to Church B instead.  Today I decided to go to Church A mainly for his benefit.  When I told him in the car what church we were going to he started fussing, throwing a fit, and saying he wanted to go to Church B! This is the point where I either bite my tongue and try to hold on to my sanctification or I completely lose it and walk into church with us both angry and not exactly ready to worship!  I won't tell you which I chose.....well, ok.   I actually transitioned from losing it to biting it before we arrived.  The service was great, the music rockin, and I felt at home.  It was actually really crowded so I had to sit on the floor.  I was offered a seat, but preferred to sit criss-crossed on the floor.  Even though the children won't be with me next week I plan on going back.  Oh yeah...after church all the kids, including Z, told me how much they absolutely loved their classes.  I didn't think I was going to get Z out of there! 

     To add to the excitement Z had been messing with his loose tooth all day, and by tonight it was about ready to come out.  He wanted to pull it and I told him I would video it when he did. So we went to the bathroom and I watched him pull it!  Ewwww....I can't do it. He likes pulling his own teeth, though.  We got that bloody mess cleaned up, and in less than an hour I heard him call, "Mommy come quick!"  Usually when he says that he just wants to show me a toy or tell me something, but I could tell by the tone of his voice it really was something legit.  I ran into the kitchen and his thumb was dripping blood everywhere.  He had sliced it open on the metal pop top from the little ravioli meals.  I grabbed a paper towel, folded it, and applied pressure to his thumb, and it took a good while to stop bleeding.  He was calmer about that than he was the earlier church situation!  I bandaged it up and he was ready to resume button-pushing with it again! :-)

Just remember when you encounter a button-pusher you can choose to push back, or move back. It's got to be frustrating for them if they keep pushing but can't reach the button!

WWE- for Kids

     When N's football season ended in December he joined a wrestling club.  He can't wrestle on the school team until 7th grade, so this will give him the basics, and some experience in case he wants to try out next year.  His dad wrestled in high school and loved it, and wanted N to try it.  N. hasn't been too thrilled about practices, but Dad has made him stick with it at least until he had actually had some real matches.  I agree with that. It's good for him to stick with his commitment, and not quit until he's given it a real chance.

     On Saturday he had his first tournament.  He had to be there at 7a.m., and his first match was not until 9:45.  I have never been to a wrestling tournament, so I didn't know what to expect when I walked in before his 1st match.  There were 4 huge mats on the gym floor with matches in progress on all of them.  There were some spectators around the mats, and the bleachers were completely full on one side with yelling parents, grandparents, whatever.  It was so loud!  I finally found people I knew and sat down to wait. The 9:45 match started about 10:30, and was over very quickly.  Poor N. didn't have a chance.  The boy he was up against has been wrestling for years, had on the official hideous "uniform" and had his head shaved...very hard core.  N. was pinned almost immediately.  He came up and sat with me, upset.  I did notice throughout the day that about 1/4 of the wrestlers left the mat in tears.  It's a brutal sport, and much more physical than I ever imagined.  I was also surprised to see children as young as 4 competing, as well as females competing against males.  I'm not sure I'm completely sold on wrestling yet.

     

We watched some of his friends lose their matches, and found out his next match was in about 2 hours.  We went and got some lunch, and came back to wait.  As little as I knew about these tournaments I did know there would be a lot of dead time so I brought my bag with a book, notebook, snacks, drinks.  I knew my ADHD would kick in quickly unless I had something to occupy my time.

Match #2 was against one of his close friends.  Neither of them wanted to wrestle one another, but had no choice.   The match went a little better, but N was still at a disadvantage.  He even said his friend intentionally took it easy on him.  We watched more of his friends' matches and left.  

We got to spend the rest of the afternoon and evening together.  He needed new jeans, and he helped me pick out a couple of things for my apt.   For dinner we went to his favorite:  Outback.  Now it's not for the steak.  He loves their chicken fingers!  That's him.  His favorite restaurant is a steak house, and he doesn't even eat steak! That's ok, because I do!  We were sitting close to another family and when they got up to leave the father offered me a card.  It was some kind of bonus card he got from buying so many giftcards for his employees around Christmastime. He said he had several more and that they would be expiring before he could use them all.  I graciously accepted, of course.  N and I had a great meal, and even better conversation.  I absolutely love hanging out with him.  He is so perceptive and has such a great personality and sense of humor.  Our bill came, and it was $22.  The card the man gave us was for $20!  So.....I paid $2 plus a nice tip for our wonderful server.  I was almost in tears just thinking about what a blessing that was.  My former principal had a motto that said: 

There is a destiny that makes us brothers; None goes his way alone: All that we send into the lives of others comes back into our own. ---Edwin Markham

Not to brag at all, but I can remember many times doing acts of kindness like that for others, and at a time I can appreciate it most...someone does it for me.  I was truly humbled and thankful. The $20 was incredible, but the symbolism behind it meant even more to me.  It's great when you can see God's favor at a time when you need it most.  As M told me afterwards:  God rewards those who diligently seek him.  I do believe that, but my goal is to believe that even when I can't see the tangible evidence.

Puppy Power

Puppy Power

As most of you know the children have been here for a week, and brought their 3 month old puppy since their dad is out of town. Having a puppy is like having another child, but instead of crying to communicate she yelps or barks.  That's not such a big deal unless you live in an apartment.  My oldest is allergic, and his allergies trigger asthma.  Well, this was escalated when the dog was contained in the smaller space with us.  We tried keeping her in one of the bathrooms until she scratched some holes in the sheetrock and tore up a little section of carpet.  SO we moved her kennel to the balcony to alleviate the asthma problem, as well as the destruction problem.  Unfortunately this is when the trouble started.  Apparently she was barking when we were not there and disturbing the neighbors.  The last two days it was getting bad even when we were here.  We were constantly having to take her outside just to keep her quiet.  I was determined we were going to make it until today, though.  My determination was thwarted, though, when the apt. manager came to my door Monday morning with a letter stating that complaints about the noise had been received, and that if I was going to keep the dog I would have to change my lease, which includes paying a several hundred dollar deposit. 

Ok...text puppy's dad....no response.  Call. No response.  Call the phone of the person he's with...caught him on the slopes.  We worked out all the details to have sweet puppy picked up by her grandparents and stay with them for the last two days until her dad gets back in town.  It was a relief even to the kids who were getting frustrated trying to keep her quiet.  Puppies like her aren't meant to be quiet.  They want to run and play and bark.    Surprisingly, I really miss her, though!  Isn't she beautiful?  This is right before she left.

Bizzare Bible Info:

from Genesis...

Times have really changed.

**Abram's wife Sarah TOLD him to get her servant, Hagai pregnant.

**Both of Lot's daughters got him drunk so they could have sex with him.  They both got pregnant by him and each had a son.  Ewwww.....

I really did like what I read in Job 42:10....

After Job had prayed for his friends, the Lord made him successful again. He gave him twice as much as he had before.
 

The LORD blessed the last part of Job's life even more than the first part.--Job 42:12

I am counting on the same thing for my life.  I first named my blog My Life Part 2... because I feel like the 2nd half of my life is beginning.   If the best is yet to come, then I have a reason to be expectant and excited.

Sorry!

I'm changing the settings back so you will not get an email every time I add something to my rantings on here.  :-) Sorry for the dark post today.  Watch the video, though....it will make you laugh!

Yep....Here's the Stumble

     So I guess if you've seen my status update on FB you can tell it hasn't been the best of days.  I guess after my blog yesterday about making progress and not looking back I should have known today would be a challenge.  My bad days are usually triggered by something, and this one was.  Sometimes it doesn't take much to send my mind back to the whys, why nots, the feelings of rejection and regrets, and what- ifs.  At times I can force those thoughts to the back of my mind, but other times it's not that easy, and those thoughts tend to have a strong effect on everything else going on in my life.  That's what today was like.  I do know that I've got to send this latest trigger back in the recesses of my mind and forget it in order to continue to move forward.  Easier said than done, though.  Part of my problem today is the fact that I am at this place again.  I guess I thought I wouldn't regress again over this same thing, and so I'm mad about the fact that I have.  It's SO not worth it, but I'm human.

You know what I need?  I need a roadtrip!  I need a roadtrip to meet my friends and have a good time filled with fun, laughter, good conversation, and good food.  I found a great prospective trip today, but getting someone to meet me there is a challenge.  I need another day like the one in Athens back in November, or like one of the old FB "reunion" nights.

On a lighter note- I cannot get a certain song out of my head the last two days.  Here's the link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cnsDeyLDTY8 

Yes, it's "Pants on the Ground"!  I know, I know....but to me it's hilarious.  

What about the Leno/Conan war?  Personally  I don't watch either anymore.  I used to watch Leno because of the Fruitcake Lady, and Sidewalk Surveys.  I can't make myself watch Conan, so I opt for Seinfeld or King of the Hill reruns during that time. 

In reference to my earlier post this week the school board made more cuts last night.  This time they cut personnel.  It's not looking good.  Morale has got to be at an all-time low.

On a good note I reconnected with two friends from high school this week, and one actually lives close to me!  

I'm also thankful for the warmer weather, and am looking forward to putting together Nate's ping pong table this weekend and playing.

I know this is one of my "one step back" days, and I'll take more forward steps soon.  In the meantime I'll keep reading yesterday's blog, and watching the "Pants on the Ground" video! 

Have a great weekend!

Don't Look Backwards or You'll Stumble

     I've heard bloggers use the term Wordless Wednesday, and without meaning to I had a wordless Wednesday. Several times I thought about what to write, and nothing inspired me from the book of Job yesterday, so I just didn't write.  I figure quality vs. quantity might be a good thing. 

To be honest....as far as my daily Bible reading I'm keeping up, but the chapters in Job the last two days have been incredibly boring and uninspiring......not even anything funny like Naked Noah or Job's Halitosis.

     Those of you reading this know that on Wednesday nights I go to a church that has a Divorce Care class.  Divorce Care is a curriculum that is used all over the country, and I must say is very good. http://www.divorcecare.org/ I started going to the class last November, but it was near the end of the session.  A new session started last week, so I jumped back in.  I also get their daily emails that I swear someone wrote just for me!  I thought today I would just share some of the highlights and insight the first two sessions have given me.

**They spoke about how your emotions affect your energy- that when you're going through divorce 85% of your energy is spent on emotions, and that you only have 15% of your energy left for the everyday tasks of life like work, family, cleaning, hobbies, etc.  Very true in the beginning, but I'm getting back my energy to do things like finally hanging pictures in my apartment, working on my resume, things that normal people do.

**Spiritual stability is crucial for recovery.  Why?  Because GOD is the only one who knows how deep the hurts are.  He is the only one that can heal. Despite all your losses if you gain back your relationship with God- that's a good thing.  I give that statement a thumbs up (and an Amen).

**Last night the session was talking about the road to healing.  One step is acknowledging your losses.  Some of our homework this week is to make a list of everything we've lost because of divorce.  I started my list, and it's getting longer and longer.  It's not just the tangible losses like my house or friends....it's the loss of dreams, loss of identity.  The one thing I shared with my class was the loss of my church.  I've gone to the same church for 18 years- and not just attended, but played piano most of those years, taught classes, worked with the youth, been a care pastor, kept the nursery, pretty much everything.  So now after all that I have to leave my church and church family behind and start over.   It is a major task to find another church home.  I've been spoiled for so long with exciting music, challenging and interesting sermons, loving people, and a sense of belonging. I've been to two different churches close to where I live now, but I just haven't found what I'm looking for yet.  I'm not giving up, though. 

**The session last night ended with the question, "Will I truly heal?"  The answer is yes- with time.  Experts say it takes about 5 years to get over a divorce.  I don't know that anyone truly completely gets over it, though.
It was also said that if we learn from divorce and go through refinement we have a much better chance to get over it. There's that word refinement again.  Sounds like a pattern. :-)


^{I Corinthians 5:17}Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!

I know this journey has just begun, and I will go through many different emotions and phases of grieving.  This was my status update on FB not too long ago:

Two steps forward, one step back. When you've made so much forward progress, though, one step backwards is not a major setback!  

 

That's the way I see it right now.  My goal is to make a lot more steps forward and to keep looking ahead and not behind, cause if not- I'll stumble. (Literally and figuratively) :-)

 

The past should never be completely forgotten- especially the lessons learned from it- but it's not healthy to stay there.

Great song to reinforce today's thoughts:  "Don't Look Back" by Boston

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A_DMh3pCiQ8 

Don't look back...
A new day is breakin'.
It's been too long since I felt this way.
I don't mind where I get taken...
The road is callin'...
Today is the day

I finally see the dawn arriving.
I see beyond the road I'm driving....

Don't look back.

 

A Job and Job ( Read to the end and you'll get it.)

     There have been so many thoughts swirling around in my mind today that would have made interesting reading, but I just heard something on the local news that superseded my other ideas.  After being a stay-at-home mom for almost  8 years I have begun the process of looking for a job again. I am an early childhood teacher. I have kept my certification current, and I have a good reputation in the district I left,  but the process is still a bit intimidating.  I haven't had to look for a job in almost 20 years!  I'm starting a resume from scratch, filling out online applications, and acquiring references.  Of course I would like to go back to my old district where I'm familiar with the schools, district administration, and colleagues with whom I still keep in contact.  Ideally I would like to work at the school my two youngest children will be attending.

     Big problem:  This district is in a severe budget crisis this year.  Teachers have taken furlough days, there is no money for substitutes, and for Christmas I gave my child's teacher copy paper because there is none in the school.  (It was a welcomed gift.)  Today on the news it was announced that this district just cut another $1.5 million dollars from the budget this afternoon.  National Board supplement money was taken from teachers.  That includes child #2's teacher who just earned National Board Certification this year, and trust me:  she deserves extra pay for the love and patience she shows my child! Coaching supplements were cut out, and vacant positions will not be filled.  They will announce tomorrow what positions have been CUT. 

     Wow....this is disheartening considering their job fair is next month.  I can't imagine them hiring new teachers, unless there is a mass exodus of teachers to neighboring districts that are not suffering this badly.  I had already planned on applying to one of the neighboring districts for this reason, and now I know that I would be foolish not to do so.

I know that I will be where I am supposed to be when August comes, but the uncertainty makes me a little concerned.  I'll take it as another challenge!

NOW FOR WHAT YOU'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR:

      I've been reading Job and have finally caught up.  Job's situation makes my problems seems so minuscule.  He went through more suffering than I could ever imagine, but didn't lose his faith in God.  Now, he was honest with God and told Him exactly how he felt, but in Job 19:25 he said, "I know that my Redeemer lives." Job's friends seemed annoying and not much help.  I'm thankful that as I've walked through some dark places lately I've had a handful of friends that have walked beside me encouraging me, just listening to me ramble and cry, and speaking the truth to me, albeit painful sometimes.  If you're reading this you're probably one of those people!  I love you, and will never forget the love you've shown me.

Job 23: 8-9  "But if I go to the east, God isn't there. If I go to the west, I don't find him.  When he's working in the north, I don't see him there. When he turns to the south, I don't see him there either."

Reminds me of a popular Hip Hop song....see if you can guess it.

The song is "Dead and Gone" by T.I.  Here are some of the lyrics:

I turn my head to the East--I don't see nobody by my side.  I turn my head to the West--Still nobody in sight.
So I turn my head to the North-- Swallow that pill that they call pride, 
That old me is dead and gone, But that new me will be alright.

I've been travellin' on this road too long-- Just tryna find my way back home. The old me is dead and gone, dead and gone.  

Not a bad message for secular music.

How that passage ends in Chapter 23, though, is the most meaningful passage I have read so far in all of the long chapters in Job. Here it is:

10 But He knows every step I take. When He has put me to the test, I'll come out as pure as gold. 

It's hard to remember that when I'm going through the fire, but I have to believe that it's true. A random FB friend who is a pastor sent me a scripture this morning, and he has no idea what's going on in my life.   (James 1:2-4 NIV) Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, {3} because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. {4} Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.  It's definitely a time of trials, testing, and refining for me.....but to be as pure as gold?  It will be worth it.

Bible Humor of the Day:  
(I read from the New International Reader's Version)
Job's statement in 19:17  "My wife can't stand the way my breath smells."

On top of everything else his wife thought he had bad breath!


Happy Tuesday!  Tomorrow is hump day!  The children and the puppy will be here for a week.  I'm sure I'll have a lot to write about.

New Challenges

Last night about midnight I did something I've never done before....I ran 3.1 miles- A 5K.  My time was slow- 51min. but I did it!  I made a goal a couple of months ago to be able to run that far by Feb. 14, but I didn't know if I could do it.  I knew I needed some kind of goal in my life to work towards, and it has been a great thing for me to stick with it and achieve it.  My goal now is to trim my time, and to stick with running.  Of course I'm starting to feel the effects already today.  That's ok, though. No pain, no gain!

I also started something new today...I have made a goal to read the Bible through this year.  I've done it once before when I was a teenager, and I've started many times since then, but never completed it.  I found a site online that gives you the guidelines and tracks your progress.  It actually displays the chapters for the day on my computer and I can read them that way.  Since I didn't start until today I'm trying to catch up.  I want to discover something new each day that I can apply to my life, or find some interesting fact from the Bible that I never knew before.
So far today I've read Genesis 1-7.  Here is my wisdom of the day:

**Just like Adam and Eve- once they disobeyed God their eyes were opened and they were ashamed.  They then had to pay for their sin.  Their lives were never the same.  I can relate. 

**Interesting verse in the story of Cain and Able:  Genesis 4:7:  "If you do what is right, will you not be accepted?  But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must master it."  Can't you just picture sin crouching outside our door ready to pounce on us and destroy our lives?  How do we "master it" to prevent that?  I imagine by letting God have control of our lives.

**In the story of Noah God destroyed the earth because of the great wickedness he saw.  Was it worse than the wickedness of the world now?  I can't imagine! 

**Random thought....All these people died when they were several hundred years old.  I wonder how wrinkled they were?  They were out in the sun all the time with no sunscreen and no Oil of Olay.

**OK..I read more today trying to catch up and I have to add a couple of thoughts.  
After the great flood God put a rainbow in the sky as a sign of his covenant to never destroy the earth that way again. In the spring of 98 I walked outside early in the morning and saw a rainbow in the sky.  I took a picture of  it because it seemed special to me- like God had sent it just for me.  That day my first child was born, and he has definitely been a reminder of God's love to me.


**LOL moment from the Bible: (literally, LOL)  Gen. 9:21  Noah drank wine from his own vineyard and passed out drunk and naked in his tent!  Even Noah wasn't perfect.....

Happy Monday!